It is strange to think,
As I had not thought before,
About what I’ve sacrificed to be who I am
About how the program I signed up for
Or was signed up in me
In 1978
Maybe precluded romantic love
Or at least the lasting kind
Because it didn’t fit
With the self-centered mind, the oozing self-consciousness
The interior eye always blinking
That is my way into language.
I watch now, from a small window, the
One that still looks out this way
Some days when I get up from the desk,
I see there was never anyone who could have held me
But still, at 30, it is beginning to trill
That far off siren
That says the race is over
And all have gone home
Having won their partner
And yet, here I was, all the time, waiting
Wasn’t I?
Hadn’t I signed up, too? Done my hair, flattered myself in the mirror.
Hadn’t I pursed my lips and flicked the strands of blond hair
Against some illuminating day’s sun.
Or had it been a dream?
Because there is only me now.
In this one room, with a window that used to look out onto love
Now looking only onto wilderness
And not one single track in a ground
That is overgrown and muddy.
-Nina Alvarez
Poem of the Month 
Dear Nina,
*They may think they have won partner
*but only at loss of self
*except for fortunate few who had never known the self and related self with the whole of existence
*Or rarer still who knew self better through the other.
*Their invarient(s) may be their partners, children, or their “god.”
*After all, you may just have different invarient(s) than theirs.
**Today you savor each act & experience — eat, see, write, talk, relate.
**Please do not tarnish beauty of all of your past choices — its a scultupure, and art devine in its own right.
***And I ask myself, if the future has to be consistent with the past? Freedom from self identity?
ChaosCtrl
you are now listed on http://poetry.alltop.com
see here: http://jasontheargonaut.com/2008/09/28/argonaut-featured-on-alltopcom
just another reason to keep those posts coming. ( :
Thank you ChaosCtrl for the words!
Thank you Jak, for the support!